Werewolves save Bella
From a crazy vampire
She ditches them
I am Team Jacob
He has personality
Edward is a douche
Bella is crazy
Stephanie Meyer is nuts
Please, God, save me from this hell!!!
Katie doubts exclamation points are allowed in haiku, but doesn’t care. She must do something to counteract the cinematic and literary awfulness unfolding before her eyes. Her biggest complaint is Bella’s lack of self-identity. Around Edward she is serious, depressed, and brooding. Around Jake she is adventurous, jokes, and occasionally rages. Hell, even around spineless Charlie she takes on his personality: awkward, lame, and slightly concerned.
Katie never wants to be a Bella. She wants no girl ever to be a Bella, because Bella’s get themselves killed by their boyfriends. When the movie ends Katie braids her cousin’s hair.
“So, what did you think of the movie?” Katie hazards.
“It was stupid. There’s something wrong with Bella.”
Katie sighs with relief and nods, tucking in a stray strand of golden hair.
“Big time. There, all done. Now run off to bed.”
The little girl scampers and Katie shakes her head, grumbling about poor role models for bright kids.
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